The Best Way To Keep Mosquitoes Away — Chemical Free

The Best Way To Keep Mosquitoes Away — Chemical Free

What A Little Pig!

Get Rid Of Unwanted Party “Guests.”

I have a large deck (I said deck) and there’s nothing better than being out on it in the spring, summer, and fall in Chicago. There’s one thing that often ruins it — mosquitoes.

When those bastards show up, they’ll ruin your party faster than a drunk ex-boyfriend who gave you crabs. I am a mosquito magnet. All my friends know to sit next to me because mosquitoes love me.  (Who needs a dog with “friends” like that?)  Mosquitoes carry all sorts of nasty diseases: West Nile Virus, Encephalitis, Dengue Fever, Malaria, and Yellow Fever. Do you want a swollen brain?  Take heed!

There’s a simple solution that works better than anything you’ve ever tried and it couldn’t be easier, cheaper or healthier to use.  You just turn on a fan!

This Fan Works Great, But It’s Loud. Also, You Have To Cover It When You’re Not Using It, So It Won’t Get Wet

Buy yourself a fan that you can put on your deck or patio, turn it on and adios mosquitoes. It is amazing how well it works.  No need for citronella or “OFF” if you’ve got a fan going.  Here’s why it works:

1.  They Can’t Land: It’s like creating a special little tornado—just for them! (It brings me joy just to type that…)

2. Mosquitoes Love It When You Breathe: Yep, every time you exhale you’re basically saying: “Here mosquito, mosquito, mosquito” because you’re emitting carbon dioxide — it’s like catnip for mosquitoes.  I guess if you can hold your breath for an hour or so you won’t need the fan, but that’s likely to ruin your makeup. The fan disperses the carbon dioxide away from you…and then the mosquitoes lose all their attraction for you.  (This is the one time I am happy to be dissed!)

3. Stop Your Sweating:  Yeah, good luck on that one! Your sweat, which has lactic acid in it and your body heat are two other things that make you attractive to suck on…for the mosquitoes, at least. Guess what the fan does?  Yeah, it cools you and helps evaporate that tasty sweat.

Small “Vornado” Fan. Quiet and You Can Put It Away Easily. Works Well.

Fan Tips:

—You will probably need more than one fan if you’ve got a sizable deck or patio.

—If you buy the big industrial type floor fan, they work great, but they’re loud.

—You can buy an “outdoor” fan, but they tend to be more expensive. You can use indoor fans, but cover/put them away when we’re through.  If you’re using an   indoor fan outside, make sure you’ve got it plugged into a GFI outlet or you could electrocute yourself if the fan gets wet.

—If your deck is covered – an outdoor ceiling fan is a great investment.

Invite me to your next party, I’ll be a big fan, promise!

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6 thoughts on “The Best Way To Keep Mosquitoes Away — Chemical Free”

  1. Thanks for the tip! I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy your site. I have been thinking that I miss having a gay man friend in my life right now, so this will have to do until I find one. This is a great idea for a site! I will share you with my other girl friends.

  2. That’s good advice for a deck, but what to do if one is attacked every time they go out into the garden? Talk about a mosquito magnet! I can wear wellies and long pants, but what to do about my face? I hesitate to use Deet because I don’t know how safe it is. Any ideas?

  3. And… If it’s sweltering like the 111 degrees we have in Dallas right now, you can add a mister stand (available at Lowes and Home Depot) which you connect to a garden hose and place in front of the fan… Talk about a cooling effect…. ‘-)

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