Controlling Mosquitoes — The Best Way To Keep Them Off of You — Chemical Free

by Dean Hervochon on July 13, 2011

What A Little Pig! Look At That Mess!

Get Rid Of Unwanted Party “Guests.”

I have a large deck (I said DECK) and there’s nothing better than being out on it in the spring, summer and fall in Chicago. Friends have nicknamed the deck: “The Garagemahal” because it is built on top of our garage and it is just a little grand. Grand as it may be, there’s one thing that ruins it — mosquitoes.

When those bastards show up, they’ll ruin your party faster than a drunk ex-boyfriend who gave you crabs. I am a mosquito magnet. All my friends know to sit next to me because the mosquitoes LOVE me.  (Who needs a dog with “friends” like that?)  Now listen, you’ve got to keep mosquitoes away from you!  They carry all sorts of nasty diseases: West Nile Virus, Encephalitis, Dengue Fever, Malaria and Yellow Fever. You want a swollen brain?  Pay attention!

There is one solution that works better than anything you’ve ever tried and it couldn’t be easier, cheaper or healthier to use.  You just turn on a FAN!

This Fan Works Great, But It's Loud. Also, You Have To Cover It When You're Not Using It, So It Won't Get Wet

Buy yourself a fan that you can put on your deck or patio, turn it on and say: “Hasta La Vista Blood-Sucking Baby!”  It is amazing how well it works.  No need for citronella or OFF if you’ve got a fan going.  Here’s why it works:

1.  Those Mini-Vampires Can’t Land! It’s like creating a special little tornado—just for them! (It brings me joy just to type that…)

2. Mosquitoes Love It When You Breathe. Yep, every time you exhale you’re basically saying: “Here mosquito, mosquito, mosquito” because you’re emitting carbon dioxide — it’s like catnip for mosquitoes.  I guess if you can hold your breath for an hour or so you won’t need the fan, but that’s likely to ruin your makeup. The fan disperses the carbon dioxide away from you…and then the mosquitoes lose all their attraction for you.  (This is the one time I am happy to be dissed!)

3. Stop Your Sweating!  Yeah, good luck on that one! Your sweat, which has lactic acid in it and your body heat are two other things that make you attractive to suck on…for the mosquitoes, at least. Guess what the fan does?  I’m sure you didn’t know this.  It cools you!  Yeah, get a load of that!

Small "Vornado" Fan. Quiet and You Can Put It Away Easily. Works Well.

Here’s some tips on the fans:

—You will probably need more than one fan if you’ve got a sizable deck.

—If you buy the big industrial type floor fan, they work great, but they’re loud.

—You can buy an “outdoor” fan, but they tend to be more expensive. We just use indoor fans and cover/put them away when we’re through.  If you’re using an indoor fan outside, make sure you’ve got it plugged into a GFI outlet or you could electrocute yourself if the fan gets wet.

Invite me to your next party, I’ll be a big fan, promise!

*If you would like to make a comment, PLEASE make it here, on this site and not on Facebook. (It’s a Search Engine Optimization issue.) Thanks!

 

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

s July 19, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Great idea…..so simple. And it worked! Why didn’t I think of this before?

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Dean Hervochon July 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Glad it worked for you. Wish more people knew about this.

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Tammy July 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Thanks for the tip! I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy your site. I have been thinking that I miss having a gay man friend in my life right now, so this will have to do until I find one. This is a great idea for a site! I will share you with my other girl friends.

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blueheron July 31, 2011 at 6:47 pm

That’s good advice for a deck, but what to do if one is attacked every time they go out into the garden? Talk about a mosquito magnet! I can wear wellies and long pants, but what to do about my face? I hesitate to use Deet because I don’t know how safe it is. Any ideas?

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Sheryl P August 6, 2011 at 3:08 pm

And… If it’s sweltering like the 111 degrees we have in Dallas right now, you can add a mister stand (available at Lowes and Home Depot) which you connect to a garden hose and place in front of the fan… Talk about a cooling effect…. ‘-)

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