The Go To Gay Guy’s “GaView”

by Dean Hervochon on January 28, 2011

The Go To Gay Guy’s “GaView” is brought to you sporadically by yours truly, whenever The View is particularly good, bad, or strange. Or when I’ve got to get something off my chest…

January 27, 2011 show

Prince William’s Hair

Some hot topic. They started the show with this?

China mug with photo of Prince William

The Royal Mug

They showed the “official” hand-painted souvenir china. To “celebrate” the marriage. Sold on the Official Site.  Sounds like it is just a money-maker for those poor Royals. They’ve got a little cup, a pill jar — little do-nothing trinkets. It certainly doesn’t make you any more regal, just makes you a little poorer and gives your kids something to sell at a garage sale once you’re dead.  Barbara and Whoopi are going to start their china collection together.  They’re the next Oprah and Gayle.

William wants to marry before he goes bald.

photo showing Prince William's bald spot

The Royal Bald Spot

Seriously? Someone wrote an article in the NY Times about that? A discussion about whether he is circumcised or not would have been a lot more interesting.   Who cares if he’s going bald? He’s really handsome and if he doesn’t have hair on his head there’s a good chance he’s got some hot hair other places. He’s a big guy, 28, nice, handsome and cultured. He’s got beautiful eyes, great hands, he’s tall and has a little dough in his pockets.  They talked about Prince Charles’ “nanny complex” — guys who fall in love with women who resemble their nannies. Poor rich kids — all those problems: bald, rich, nanny complex.

Hot bald men discussed: Ed Harris was on last week and boy are they right!  He’s a hottie! Others they should have talked about: Jon Hamm (oh yes he is), John Travolta (OK, not hot or masculine or allegedly straight), Bruce Willis.  Get with it girls!

Oscar Nominations Announced

They love The King’s Speech.

Barbara and Whoopi keep finishing each others sentences.  (see Oprah and Gayle) I’m sure they’re all cycling together by now too, if they still do that.  I’m pretty sure that by now though, the only cycling those two do is on their Schwinns.

Elizabeth is making changes.  She’s not so rigid as she used to be — that’s a shame.  She brought all the fire to the show and hearing her and Joy “discussing” politics is something no one should ever miss.  Without Joy and Elizabeth that show is a lot like Russell Simmons (read on!).

Oprah’s Got a Sister!

Whew, just when I thought my family was a mess — Oprah keeps trumping me! She’s so competitive with me! It was bad enough being taunted by my real siblings that I was adopted, but actually having a sibling given away must be a real shocker and just confirms how screwed up her childhood was.  There, I feel better now.

Painted sign in store window that says "Free Kids"Oprah’s mother — she’s the perfect example of what a person should do who can’t take care of their kids. GIVE THEM AWAY! So many people judge her for giving her baby away — isn’t that what “Pro-Lifers” want? And how many kids have these people adopted? I guess the Blind Side is an example — but please — they did that so they could make a movie (did I say that?). The real irony is that the 99% of the people adopting black kids are liberals who believe a woman has a right to get an abortion.

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin: Baby Issues

Picture of Levi Johnston with crosshairs on his face

Bristol's Dream Man

Now Bristol is hoping to change the kid’s last name to Palin. Now that is child abuse. Levi is an irresponsible young man who isn’t much different that most guys who knock up desperate teenage girls. Who wouldn’t look to sex to medicate you if you were living with Sarah and her husband?  Bristol has needs too!  I’d be the town whore (more so than I a now!) if I’d been raised by Sarah and what’s-his-name.

Joy had it right that she’s pissed off that Bristol is bad-mouthing the baby’s daddy. That is 100% right.  That poor kid is going to feel tension every time he wants to bond with his now-absent father. People grow up — but Bristol needs to keep her mouth shut about him.  She’s adding all the fuel to this.  Next she’ll be putting cross hairs on his picture.

Jesse Ventura

picture of shirtless Jesse Ventura, hair wild, mouth open

Portrait of a Man with Body Issues

All upset over body pat downs? He’s suing Homeland Security/ NTSA for the “humiliating” experience he “suffered” when going through airport security?  Think of that poor guy who had to touch him.  Oh please… Jesse’s probably pissed they did it with a 10 foot pole.  Can you imagine kissing that guy?  I think I just threw up in my mouth.  You now he drools out of the corners of his mouth.

Elizabeth and her Bachelor fixation

It’s awesome — she gets the energy of a teenager when she starts talking about it. Do women live vicariously through this show? Elizabeth now likes the show with the new/old/used scumbag who’s on this season.   This guy, who cares what his name is, (Brad) is putting these poor desperate girls through the wringer to “prove” their love for him. Why?  What the heck is wrong with this guy? He’s hot and he can’t find a girl to marry in Austin? Glad he got slapped in the first episode.  Someone get him some powder!  He’s always oily looking.  Bet he doesn’t smell as good as he looks.  I guess I could hold my nose if I had to.

Russell (yawn) Simmons

photo of Richard Simmons wearing a red shirt with (seemingly) no pants.

Another, less boring Simmons.

Russell Simmons was “on”. Now that was a joke!  Well, not really!  They made him sit in the audience!  Could he be more boring? He’s making the rounds on the talk show circuit to promote a book he wrote in 2 months.  It’s all about “needing nothing”.  That’s coming from a billionaire. I guess if I were ugly, I’d be saying looks don’t matter either.  He’s wearing his Buddhist Beads and he’s what happens when people find “bliss”?  They get lifeless and boring! He does talk about compassion and happiness — that’s good. Barbara thinks every time she sees him he’s got a smile on his face. HELLO! If I had what he has, I’d be smiling too. And yes, that question of “What do you have to worry about?”…. he’s got nothing to worry about but trying to stay fit and look young. Glad to know we share some pain together. Giving makes him happy. I wonder why they didn’t have him on the panel? I guess cause he’s more interesting from afar – like Jesse V.

Carrie Fisher

LOVE her! She’s as eccentric and interesting as they get. Really self-aware and she almost French kissed Whoopi. Poor Carrie claims she is retaining fluid for all the skinny women in America   Kinda like a fluid repository.  God, that girl is a giver.  Jenny Craig seems to be the link between Joy and Carrie and Valerie Bertinelli. She won’t tell her “starting weight” but she’s lost 15 pounds since December (impressive!).  She’s 5’1″ and she does look more like R2D2 these days than that hot, svelte chic.  She is funny, funny, funny. She and Whoopi are hoping to get boob reductions.  Hoping?  What is stopping them?  I spent years working with women, who had insurance policies that would cover a breast reduction, but too many of them still didn’t do it.   Why?  The pain those poor women went through.   They were always sore, you couldn’t flick them on the breasts like you can most girls (how to get slapped in 2 seconds!) and they constantly complained about it.   I think if you’ve got options to fix the problem, why not fix it?   Especially while you’re still up walking around.  It’s not fair to those who are in your life if you’re in constant pain or you complain about it.   A breast reduction, in my “professional opinion” will make you feel a lot better – not to mention help you feel sexier!   Plus, you won’t get all those cat calls from those horny construction guys.  On second thought….   Anyway, those girl friends of mine who have had the reductions have all loved them.  Sherri says that she really loves her big boobs – God bless her.   I’ll give her this, she doesn’t complain and doesn’t seem to be in any pain, so more power to her.   But ladies, don’t rule out a reduction if you’re in pain or you complain!  I mean it!

Photo of Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in Star Wars

Must we torture dear Carrie with this photo?

They showed Carrie in a revealing metal bikini when she did “Star Wars”. Heck, she’s older now and fatter, but she seems happy. Her face work looks great! She’s quit smoking, drugs, alcohol and shopping. She better be funny with all that out of her life. Not sure what she was promoting except maybe Jenny Craig. Wonder what Russell Simmons was thinking about why they kept him in the audience and brought up the new Jenny Craig spokeswoman instead of him? Ouch.

Boobage & Footage

Style expert Amy E. Goodman brought her Over Bra on she show.  Basically a harness that lifts your boobs. It looked GREAT. Girls with unruly boobs – get that contraption!  If only guys had something like that to lift and…

photo of some weird torture device from the movies

Not the Rack Trap

The Rack Trap is  a new boob purse to keep your ID and money and credit cards when you ladies go out and don’t want to carry a purse. It’s waterproof.  But is it milk proof too?  Good idea. When are they coming up with a “Box Bag” — something to stuff into the front of a guy’s pants that not only keeps your stuff safe, but makes your “stuff” look bigger and better. Jump on this inventors!  (Send me one!!!)

City Slips — a great idea if you’ve ever been out with whining women who are always complaining that their feet hurt when they go out in heels. Little slippers that come in a collapsible bag. You put the slippers on and then throw your heels into the collapsible bag and carry them home in that. Cute and I’m sure practical. But wouldn’t shoes that fit make more sense? And is it amazing to you that 40 year old women would complain about their feet hurting — at their age? For crying out loud, haven’t they adjusted to the pain they’re required to go through by then?

I am so glad I’m not a woman and have to go through all of that.  Men just aren’t strong enough to be women.

Whoopi walked out at the end of the show — got a full view of what she had on. Oh my! Could she dress any worse? It looked like she had on a kilt that was pulled up to her neck. AWFUL!

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