Yawning? – Could You Please Cover Your Mouth?

by Dean Hervochon on April 16, 2019

Have you ever been “yawned on?”  GROSS.

I don’t know anyone well enough to experience that!


How To Find Your Friends in a Crowd

by Dean Hervochon on April 15, 2019

I published this years ago, but even today, I still have friends that say this was some of the best advice they’ve ever gotten.  SO….

Before you ever go to a big event with your friends, you need a plan! How many times have you gone to a concert or baseball game and you lost your friends? This is bad if you need a ride home or there’s an emergency.  

Raise your hand and have a place to meet if you get separated.

You’re Going To Lose Your Friends! It gets even more complicated if your friends happen to be drunk (or you are).  What sucks is that in a big crowd, your friends could be just a few feet away from you and you wouldn’t even know it. Don’t depend on your phone to find your friends in a crowd. There’s a good chance that you will loose phone service and texting abilities if a lot of people are using their phones. Going to the Gay Pride Parade? Forget it! Not gonna happen! There’s too much competition for the available network.  Also, always have a place to meet if you can’t find each other.  Decide all of this BEFORE you go. 

You Don’t Need the F.B.I to Find Your Friends! So, how do you find your wayward friends?  You raise your hand! That may sound stupid and so fricken simple.  If you tell your friends about this, I swear, they will all start doing it. Oh, they are going to laugh when you tell them to do this. Sometimes they’ll do it just to spite you; “Hey girl, I’m over here” as they jut their limp hands into the air to over-emphasize how much of a pansy they think you’re being because you’re cautious. Everyone has made fun of me when I make them practice before we go into the event!  YEP!  It’s actually fun.  Let them mock you, ha, ha, ha, but we’ll see who gets a ride home with me if I can’t find your sorry ass! You’ll see, they’ll start using it, the first time they feel separated from you.  If your friends start to get about 10 feet away from you and there’s a lot of people between you,  just raise your hand!  It works especially well if you’ve got an umbrella in your hand too. It’s fantastic. You should teach this to your friends, kids, relatives.  Don’t teach it to clingy boyfriends though. This is a good thing to know…you’ll thank me later.  Let me know what you think.  Post a comment here.

PS: If you’d like to write a “guest post” — let me know!   I’m looking for posts that offer good, solid, helpful information — or something that really bugs you and you can offer a solution for the problem.  The best posts are things that most people don’t know.  If you make it funny, all the better.  I can help with editing and images.  Hope to hear from you.

Don’t forget to shave those pits – if you’re into that!


What A Little Pig! Look At That Mess!

Get Rid Of Unwanted Party “Guests.”

I have a large deck (I said DECK) and there’s nothing better than being out on it in the spring, summer and fall in Chicago. Friends have nicknamed the deck: “The Garagemahal” because it is built on top of our garage and it is just a little grand. Grand as it may be, there’s one thing that ruins it — mosquitoes.

When those bastards show up, they’ll ruin your party faster than a drunk ex-boyfriend who gave you crabs. I am a mosquito magnet. All my friends know to sit next to me because the mosquitoes LOVE me.  (Who needs a dog with “friends” like that?)  Now listen, you’ve got to keep mosquitoes away from you!  They carry all sorts of nasty diseases: West Nile Virus, Encephalitis, Dengue Fever, Malaria and Yellow Fever. You want a swollen brain?  Pay attention!

There is one solution that works better than anything you’ve ever tried and it couldn’t be easier, cheaper or healthier to use.  You just turn on a FAN!

This Fan Works Great, But It's Loud. Also, You Have To Cover It When You're Not Using It, So It Won't Get Wet

Buy yourself a fan that you can put on your deck or patio, turn it on and say: “Hasta La Vista Blood-Sucking Baby!”  It is amazing how well it works.  No need for citronella or OFF if you’ve got a fan going.  Here’s why it works:

1.  Those Mini-Vampires Can’t Land! It’s like creating a special little tornado—just for them! (It brings me joy just to type that…)

2. Mosquitoes Love It When You Breathe. Yep, every time you exhale you’re basically saying: “Here mosquito, mosquito, mosquito” because you’re emitting carbon dioxide — it’s like catnip for mosquitoes.  I guess if you can hold your breath for an hour or so you won’t need the fan, but that’s likely to ruin your makeup. The fan disperses the carbon dioxide away from you…and then the mosquitoes lose all their attraction for you.  (This is the one time I am happy to be dissed!)

3. Stop Your Sweating!  Yeah, good luck on that one! Your sweat, which has lactic acid in it and your body heat are two other things that make you attractive to suck on…for the mosquitoes, at least. Guess what the fan does?  I’m sure you didn’t know this.  It cools you!  Yeah, get a load of that!

Here’s some tips on the fans:

—You will probably need more than one fan if you’ve got a sizable deck.

—If you buy the big industrial type floor fan, they work great, but they’re loud.

—You can buy an “outdoor” fan, but they tend to be more expensive. We just use indoor fans and cover/put them away when we’re through.  If you’re using an indoor fan outside, make sure you’ve got it plugged into a GFI outlet or you could electrocute yourself if the fan gets wet.

Invite me to your next party, I’ll be a big fan, promise!

*If you would like to make a comment, PLEASE make it here, on this site and not on Facebook. (It’s a Search Engine Optimization issue.) Thanks!



A Great Gift for Kids and For You!

Bring One Great Gift For The Host and Their Kids!

If you’re lamenting about what to bring as a gift to a friend’s house and they happen to have younger kids, you’re in luck!  There are some amazing DVDs out that will entertain the kids for hours and they’re pretty inexpensive.  They range from $10.00 to $15.00. If you bring these DVDs, you not only will delight the kids, but it will keep them mesmerized while you’re there too!   What’s better than that?  A gift for them that’s actually a gift for you.

Toy Train Videos, Who Knew? I Love Toy Trains – All Aboard is a video series that films toy trains “in action.” The first time I heard about it, I thought, “seriously?”  Well, little did I know that kids love to watch videos of toy trains, John Deere Tractors and earth movers. The train series has a huge following at libraries all over the country.  TM Books and Video gets weekly phone calls from families who want to buy copies for themselves after their kids have seen the videos from the library.

The Kids Will Love These Videos

Special Needs Kids Really Love These Videos. For kids with Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism, their parents report to the producers of  I Love Toy Trains that these DVDs are the only shows that hold their kid’s attention. I love that about these DVDs. They do good things too.

You Won’t Have To Medicate As Much If You Bring These DVD’s As Your “Obligatory Hostess Gift!”

“All Aboard,” Oh How You’ll Grow To Hate That Phrase! This video features great original music by award-winning composer James Coffey; bloopers; educational segments; and railroading adventures with both toy and real trains. One warning!  Expect to keep hearing “All Aboard” over and over again after the kids have seen these DVDs.  Now, where was that cough syrup, for me?


— Which Stall to Use?

by Dean Hervochon on April 11, 2019

Someone asked me a question the other night:  “Hey Dean, you know everything (right!), which bathroom stall should I use?”

Now, why ask me that question? I might be the “Go To Gay Guy,” but it’s not like I’m a Republican congressman…  It’s funny, but I knew the answer!

If it’s the cleanest stall you want to use, according to a 20/20 report — it’s the 1st one, the one nearest the door. Most people seek privacy when they go to the bathroom, so they will head to the farthest one away from the door. I guess it makes sense since so many people are both pee and pooh shy (blame that on your parents).

What is usually the case though, is that the “Handicapped/ Special Needs” stall is usually the furthest from the door, yet many people won’t use it, just in case a disabled person came into the bathroom while they are using it. Because of all those considerate people, I’ve found that the Handicapped / Special Needs stall is the cleanest – and it has the most room for your luggage if you’re at the airport! Yes, I use that stall if there aren’t’ others available – I know, I’m a monster.

Come on, it’s not like I’m “parking” in there, I’m just in for quick drop-off and away I go. Plus, I’ve never seen a sign on the door that says I’ll be “ticketed and towed” if I use that stall. If I do see a handicapped person headed to the bathroom, by all means, I won’t go into the handicapped stall. That just makes sense. I’d really appreciate it if those of you who don’t agree with me that I can use that stall, that you not use that stall, ever!

Purse Alert: Ladies, if you have a purse with you, don’t ever put it on the bathroom floor. The floor is full of ugly stuff (fecal matter, viruses, microbes) that can make you and your family sick. Your purse could be dirtiest thing you own if you’re in the habit of putting it on the bathroom floor.  It’s not recommended that you hang it on the hook on the door either, that makes it easy pickings for thieves.  I guess you’ll have to keep it on your lap or sling it over your shoulder or balance it on your head,  life just got a little harder, I know.  Men with “murses,” well, I can’t even think about having one, so you’re on your own.

PS:  Do you throw your dirty toilet paper on your bathroom floor at home?  I don’t get it – no one wants to see “your production,” tend to it, clean up after yourself!


“Your Eyes Look Like Wood”…

by Dean Hervochon on April 9, 2019

Guys, don’t ever, ever tell a woman that her eyes “look like wood”!    Yes, I have a friend who was on her first —and last date— with a moron who was trying to compliment her but it turned into a disaster from that one comment.  “Next!” was her first thought.   The more appropriate thing to say, if you must use a wood analogy say:  “Your eyes shine like beautiful polished burled walnut on the Queen of England’s throne.”    If you just say that their eyes look like wood, yep, she’s going to think “pine 2 x 4’s”!    Yellow, splintered and rough…   She’s going to think that you think she has hepatitis!  If you want to get close to someone, find something positive to say.  


Split Heels? Super Glue ‘Em!

by Dean Hervochon on July 11, 2011

I’m Not A Doctor…But!

Split Heel — OUCH! This is about the size of split you can close-up with the glue

If you’re like me, when summer comes along, I start wearing my flip-flops and it initially plays hell on my heels because I don’t moisture enough. My feet get very dry and inevitably, I’ll get a “split” or two on the back of my heels (that caption to the right is not my heel — I’d never let them get THAT dry and gross!). OUCH! You wanna talk about something that is painful?  Each step reminds you that your heel is in bad shape and it feels like it’s splitting more as you trod along. It makes you miserable.

I have a solution!  Superglue your cracked heels closed! You heard it right, Superglue. Like I said, I’m not a doctor but when I was on vacation with a dermatologist, a friend had the split-heel issue. The doctor told my friend to get some Superglue and then the he GLUED my friend’s split heel together.  My friend stood up and was amazed that it worked and how great it felt  — immediately.  Do this only if you’re a healthy adult. If you’ve got circulatory issues or other medical issues, I’d ask my doctor first.  If the split is really deep or you have a number of splits — don’t be Dr. Frankenstein on yourself — just go to the doctor.

Super Glue To The Rescue!

Here’s How You Do It:

1. Make sure your heels are clean, clean, clean. Inside the split should be washed several times with soap and water and then cleaned with hydrogen peroxide.  Did I say clean it?  You don’t want an infection.

2. Dry the heels completely before applying the glue.  Maybe use a blow dryer on low to make sure you get the inside of the split as dry as possible.

3. Use a new tube of Superglue to avoid germs.  Don’t get the kind of glue that you have to mix with another compound to make it work — you want to be able to just squeeze the glue right into the split.

4. Pull the split apart a little, apply the Superglue and squeeze the heel together for about a minute or so — be careful not to get it on your fingers or you’ll loose your fingerprints for awhile!

5. As soon as the glue dries (and it dries really fast), stand up, thank me and let me know how it worked for you!  You’ll think you’ve been to Lourdes.

Like I said, I’ve done it a number of times and I’ve never had one problem with it.

ONCE AGAIN: Like anything concerning your body, if you DO have a problem with your heels after trying this, get to the doctor!

A friend had the cracked heel issue and it’s best to avoid getting your feet in that condition in the first place.  He recommends a lotion with 25% Urea in it called ‘Flexitol Heel Balm’. It does take several weeks of use to get results; the old skin just falls off.  He also uses a Ped Egg to get rid of all the old skin as well. That combination made his heels normal again. Alrighty then!

PLEASE Post All Comments On This Website, Not Facebook.  THANK YOU  — This helps a lot with Search Engine Optimization!


Gift Rules: Giving And Getting

by Dean Hervochon on May 12, 2011

8 Rules of Gift-Giving: It took me a long time to learn “the rules.” I’ve learned them the hard way and sometimes it was pretty embarrassing getting that education. I’ve updated my previous post. Let me know what you think.

This is so wrong...

Rule #1: Give a gift that is appropriate for that person. Grandma doesn’t need a thong – even if she asks for one. Yet, if an adorable 8 year old boy asks for an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas, get it for him! You don’t get him a .22 rifle instead. I think I’m gonna cry.

Rule #2: Don’t Overspend. If you’re just starting to date someone and you buy something really expensive and it’s not in-line with your income – you’re going to come across as desperate. You don’t need to give big gifts for people to like you—people like you because you’re: kind; clean; floss regularly; and you’re good in bed.

Oooh..what can I say?

Rule #3: If You’re an Adult, Don’t Ever Open Birthday Gifts in Front of People at a Party. There’s a couple of reasons why you don’t do this: a. You’re not a good enough actor to make people believe that you’re happy that you got pot-holders for your birthday. b. Those who haven’t brought you a gift will feel anxiety – and you don’t have parties to make people anxious. c. It can be rude and self-aggrandizing. “Look what I got!” You’ll look like a winner or a loser if people start to gauge your gifts. It’s a no-win. Now for the bad news: If you’re the guest of honor at a bridal or baby shower – you’re screwed unless you’re Meryl Streep. Practice squealing and throwing your arms up in the air and screeching “Oh My God!”  Think of “Sophies Choice” if you need some tears to show grandma how much you love the wool neglige she made you.

Don't Get Caught Re-Gifting. You've got to be good at it!

Rule #4: Don’t Re-Gift (and Get Caught!). If you re-gift (everyone has done it) —make sure that you look the item over completely before you give it to someone else. If it’s a candle – take it out of the box, look in the box, under the candle, on the sides of the candle . Some thoughtful person may have inscribed a personal note on the side of it with a permanent marker that says: “Happy Holidays Dean”… now, you wouldn’t want to give that to someone for their 40th birthday, would you? (I did! I’ve never laughed harder in my life.)  As horrible as it sounds – you can’t re-gift everything! Sometimes those gift-givers have so damaged the integrity of their gift by personalizing it that it just can’t be given to someone else! The nerve! In that case, you’ll either have to live with it or give it to Goodwill.

Rule #5: Pay Attention! For crying out loud – am I really that hard to buy for? If you want to be a good gift- giver – listen! People tell you all the time what they like, love and hate. All you have to do is to start listening and take note of it. Anytime someone tells me they like something (that I can afford) I put a note in my phone where their name is. When it comes to gift-giving time – just look in your phone. If it’s someone you love and you’re around them a lot – you should have a list of 10 things to choose from when it’s time to give the gift. 

Rule #6: It is Your Gift! If you get something you hate, you can throw it the hell away! You owe the giver nothing in terms of having to keep the gift. Getting a gift is not a contract for you to store your friend’s bad taste in your house! I once had a friend who would go wild when she came to my house and couldn’t find the things she had given me. I told her I sold them in my garage sale(s). You’d thought I shot her. If you give a gift – you’re done with the ownership of what happens to that gift. If you get a gift – it is yours and yours alone and you can do whatever the heck you want with it.

No Strings Gift? Maybe...

Rule #7: Gifts With Strings. If an adult gives you a gift – and you want it – take it. They’re giving it as a gift – right? Gifts are a “no-strings attached” transaction (see #6). Gift-giving should be the cleanest of all transactions. They give it – you take it – they get a “thank you” – end of story. If you feel they might want something in return – ask them. Get it out in the open. If you’ll do that — gifts “with strings” turn into gifts without strings. Let your gut guide you on that one. 

Rule #8: Send a Thank You Note. It sounds simple, right? Keep a box of Thank You Notes handy. They don’t have to be expensive and you don’t have to write a lot in them.  “Thanks for the beautiful flowers” with a small personal note will do it. Sending a Thank You Note is a classy thing to do and it will serve you well if you do it.  Trust me!


Why Straight Guys Should Go To Gay Bars

by Dean Hervochon on May 8, 2011

Guys, guys, guys! If you’re single and your want to meet an incredible chick—get your ass into a gay bar!

Here are 5 good things you need to know before you start hanging out with “the boys.” Here ya go…

1. Cool girls have Gay Guy (GG) friends. Any straight girl who can bag a GG as a friend is probably a girl worth dating. She’s showing you a lot just by having gay friends.  She’s got enough going for her that GG’s want to be around her — she’s probably really funny, dresses well for her body type and is worldly enough to appreciate all that gay friends have to offer.  She’s showing you something right off the bat: she’s not a bigoted homophobe. You want to date women who aren’t harsh and black and white about things; they will make better lovers and mothers for your future kids.

The Girls Love Their Gays!

2. GG’s bring their straight girl friends to the bars with them and the girls travel in packs! You can walk into almost any gay bar — the ones that primarily have younger men and dancing in them — and you’ll find a slew of  available women. Women have a blast in gay bars — and they let their guards down while they are there.  No one is pawing at them; they can dance with just about anyone they want; guys buy them drinks without expecting something in return and they keep hearing that they’re “fabulous” from attractive men they don’t even know!

3. Straight men can learn great life-lessons by going to gay bars! This is your time to learn compassion for what women go through—and this will serve you all of your life. Gay men really aren’t any different than straight men when it comes to trying to getting laid. You’re going to get what a woman feels when she walks into a bar. Don’t worry, no one’s going to rape you. You are going to feel what it feels like to be treated like a piece of meat though. Once the GG’s find out you’re straight, they’ll pretty much leave you alone. They may flirt and buy you a beer, but there’s a good chance they’ll introduce you to their girlfriends too.  GG’s love having secure straight men in the bar.  That said, don’t be disappointed if no one notices you…

4. You may not get any attention at all. OMG! Did I just break your heart?  Straight men, I know that’s hard to hear, but not every gay guy wants to take a hit off of you! Don’t make up a fantasy before you get there that the men will be all over you, because there’s a good chance that they won’t be.  On the flip side, if you’re hit on in the bar, take it as a compliment!  You should be able to graciously handle anything that comes your way and don’t forget that you’re the one who walked into a gay bar. If you can’t handle being hit on by a guy, you have no business going into a gay bar and the women in there won’t like you anyway.  If you are cool with being in a gay bar, the women will find you hotter. There’s nothing more disgusting than a man who tries to make himself “macho” by degrading anyone, on the flip side, there’s nothing more attractive than a guy who accepts everyone for who they are. True story: The first time I went into a gay bar, no one paid attention!  I-was-wrecked!

Be Prepared For Anything In A Gay Bar! Make it an Adventure!

5. Find a GG to become your best friend. Just like every girl needs a GG as a friend, straight guys need gay men in their lives too. Most GG’s will teach a lot of things you might not know; having GG’s (and lesbians too) will certainly make you a better father if you have kids who don’t turn out “just like you.” If you’re going into the bar, make it an adventure!  See how many guys you can talk to in the bar. GG’s generally have lots of friends and tend to have very big social networks. They know a lot of women who aren’t in the bar. If you’re a decent guy, the GG’s will take care of you. Use them as a resource, but most of all, keep them as your friends.

Final Note: One of my best friends met her HOT husband in a gay bar.  He’s the best!  They’ve been married for over 10 years.  It happens.  Who knew?


I’ve gotten a lot of great information since my posting: “Oprah’s Skin Care Regimen — You Can Do Better” / “Don’t Waste Your Money on Lancer Skin Care Products.” To recap, Dr. Lancer is Oprah’s Beverly Hills dermatologist and he has a skin care line that O raves about.  Trust Me: You can look “radiant and glowing”  without spending a fortune!

NEW INFORMATION: Detailed Regimen / Glytone Skin Care Products / Adult Acne Treatments / Post Menopausal Skin

Oh Yes You Can — Get Radiant Skin — For a Lot Less!

His products are going to cost you $200.00 — a month! According to dermatologists, you can get just about the same results from over the counter (OTC) products that you can pick up at CVS, Walgreens or order on-line — all for a fraction of the cost of what O is spending.  I’ve had several comments already from people using the OTC products I recommended last week and they’re already getting “glowing” results.

1. Dr. Lancer’s Polish ($50)  This is his facial scrub — don’t waste your money

Use: Burt’s Bees Peach and Willowbark Deep Pore Scrub.  It’s got all sorts of good things in it and it’s only $8.00. Remember, all you’re doing is removing dead skin with a facial scrub.

2. Dr. Lancer’s Extremely Clean Cleanser ($50) — don’t waste your money.

Dr. Carolyn Jacob, Chicago Dermatologist said the following:

Carolyn Jacob, MD — Radiant Skin Wearer

“You need to wash your face twice a day with a cleanser that has a glycolic acid (AHA) in it. It’s best for oily to normal skin.” Here’s two products that fill the doctor’s order.   They are inexpensive and they work:

Use:   Alpha Hydrox Nourishing Cleanser — (about $7.00) Use this twice a day. UseAlpha Hydox AHA Suffle . ($15.99.) You put this on after you’ve used the cleanser and before your moisturizer.

If you have dry skin: Use: CeraVe Cleanser. $9.00

3. Dr. Lancer’s Repair ($100) This is his “replenishing moisturizer”.   — don’t waste your money.

Dr. Jacob recommends that you “use a daily moisturizer that has an SPF 30 or higher in it and if it has AHA in it, all the better.” I couldn’t find one with SPF 30 and AHA on the Internet, but once again, Alpha Hydrox came through but with a lower SPF of 15.

Use: Alpha Hydrox Sheer Silk Moisturizer with SPF15 (daytime) $14.99

Dr. Jacob also recommends that you use a product that contains Retinol after you wash your face at night:

Use: Alpha Hydrox Retinol ResQ (evening). $15.39

You've Got To Wash With A Good Cleanser Everyday


1. use the facial scrub at least once a week

2. use a facial cleanser with AHA’s in it, morning and night — or for dry skin use CeraVe Cleanser

3. use Alpha Hydrox Soufle after you cleanse your face — morning (if you’re using Alpha Hydox)

4. use a moisturizer with AHA’s and SPF 30 (if you can find one with SPF 30) — morning

5. use a product with Retinol in it after you wash your face —Alpha Hydrox Retinol ResQ — night.

I’m recommending these products because my dermatologist tells me that what’s in them, works. I think when it comes to moisturizers, I really love the Oil of Olay Regeneris Skin Care Line (buy it at Costco, it’s a lot cheaper there), but it doesn’t have all the AHA’s in it. Maybe I’ll just wear it as a treat! The Alpha Hydrox line has about everything Dr. Jacob suggested. It’s up to you and the results you want to achieve.  Here’s one more great option:

GLYTONE PRODUCT LINE: If you just can’t imagine using drugstore products, try Glytone. These products are “medical grade” and you can buy them on-line or in many dermatologist’s offices. This is more expensive than what you’ll find at the drugstore, but it is amazing stuff.  Glytone has just about everything you need that’s been referenced in this post — from oily/ combination skin to dealing with age spots. Educate yourself at Glytone’s Web Site — this is strong stuff.  Internet search: “Glytone,Discount” and you’ll find some good deals on-line.


Tomi Wall, MD — Glowing Skin Wearer

Tomi Wall, MD —  Oakland, CA Dermatologist

Dr. Wall said she is getting great results from prescribing: Atralin for Adult Acne.
You can get it prescribed from either your dermatologist or maybe from your general practitioner.

Seth Matarasso, MD – San Francisco Dermatologist:
Patients with oily skin should try Glycolic acid (AHA) or salicylic acid (BHA) washes that help to exfoliate the skin, unplug pores, and decrease the oily feel. For adult acne, add a topical benzoyl peroxide cream daily (careful though, it can bleach your clothing and towels) and a Vitamin A cream at night (Retinol, Retinaldehyde in the active ingredients). If those don’t help after 2 months of use, consult your dermatologist (or just jump straight there since they have more powerful medications to clear your skin fast!).


Carolyn Jacob, MD — Chicago Dermatologist                                                                                                                                                        “Oily peri menopausal skin does well with a glycolic or salicylic acid cleanser, a mattifying gel, and a retinol product at night. Use a rich hydrating eye cream around the delicate eye area.”

Thanks for checking out “The Go To Gay Guy.”

Note that I am not being compensated by any of the product manufacturers I’ve mentioned. I am not a physician, just a practical guy.  This is the best advice I can give you — advice I’ve gotten from people who do know or from my own experiences.

(GG Tip) Print this article and tape it to the inside of your bathroom mirror or cabinet so you’ll always have it as a reference it.